While I was building my career, any time I was asked in an interview, “What is one of your faults?” my go-to answer was, “I’m a perfectionist.” I had learned that this was considered a “positive fault” — something employers would appreciate. And in many ways, it is. We are often expected to be highly productive, meet deadlines, and exceed expectations.
But perfectionism isn’t just about doing your job well. It goes much deeper than that.
In fact, perfectionism and anxiety are closely linked.
If you consider yourself a perfectionist, I invite you to pause and ask yourself:
Where do your standards come from?
Are they truly yours — or are they shaped by your employer, your family, your culture?
And what happens when those standards aren’t met?
There’s a difference between striving for excellence and striving out of fear.
When perfectionism is rooted in fear, we begin to tie our worth to achievement. We set rigid standards for ourselves. Everything must be perfect — it becomes all or nothing. Not meeting these standards doesn’t just feel disappointing — it feels like failure.
This is what many mental health professionals refer to as negative perfectionism.
When anxiety and perfectionism show up together, it can be exhausting.
People may struggle to relax or enjoy leisure time — feeling guilty for “wasting time” instead of working. They might cut out hobbies or downtime entirely, focusing instead on making work, school, or projects perfect.
Negative self-talk and harsh self-criticism are common.
So is procrastination — not out of laziness, but because the task feels overwhelming.
Sometimes people wait until the last minute, hoping the pressure will help them focus. Other times, there’s a silent hope that the problem will resolve itself.
If this feels familiar — you’re not alone.
Therapy can help you break free from the anxiety-perfectionism loop and reconnect with your true self.
Let’s talk. Book a free 15-minute consultation.
On the flip side, overworking — not being able to delegate or step back — can also be a way anxiety fuels perfectionism.
There’s also a form of perfectionism often called “healthy striving” or striving for excellence.
This is motivated not by fear or self-judgment, but by curiosity, growth, and personal development.
Here, people still have goals and high standards — but they’re flexible.
Mistakes aren’t seen as failures, but as part of the learning process.
The focus is on progress, not perfection.
Perfectionism tells us that no matter how hard we try, it’s never enough.
But here’s the truth: things won’t always be perfect — and they don’t need to be.
You can do your best and still not achieve “perfection” — and that’s okay. That’s human.
If you’re like me, you might be thinking, “Not me. I can push through. I can do it all.”
And maybe you can — for a while.
But over time, this pressure becomes unsustainable. It can lead to burnout, and even impact your physical and mental health.
Sometimes, there’s no room to make mistakes.
For those of us who grew up as children of immigrants, making mistakes didn’t just feel uncomfortable — it felt dangerous.
We were often in spaces where we weren’t always welcomed.
Mistakes became “proof” to others that we didn’t belong — that we weren’t enough.
In You Sound Like a White Girl: The Case for Rejecting Assimilation, author Julissa Arce writes about how she believed it was her job to give more to the U.S. than it gave her. She worked incredibly hard — graduating in the top five percent of her high school class and landing a job at Goldman Sachs — yet some still assumed she got there because of a “diversity quota.” Sometimes, our identities — our race, our ethnicity, our immigration status — don’t leave room for us to simply be human. We internalize the idea that we must work harder, be better, make no mistakes — just to survive.
I have been reading Self-Care for Latinas by Raquel Reichard. She writes about how, in the pursuit of perfection, we often lose more than we gain.
We miss out on the version of ourselves that only emerges when we are messy and make mistakes. Meaning we need to give ourselves permission to be chaotic, for a bit, and to be real.
Let’s not forget: your value is not defined by your productivity or how few mistakes you make.
You are more than your achievements.
You are allowed to make mistakes and still be worthy of love, respect, and belonging.
And in those mistakes, sometimes, we create something more beautiful than we ever imagined.
If you recognize yourself in this, and you’re ready to talk, I’m here to help.
I offer virtual psychotherapy across Ontario.
Book a free 15-minute consultation today and let’s explore what healing looks like for you.
I’m Jessica Batres a Registered Social Worker based in Ontario, working with adults navigating anxiety, perfectionism, and cultural identity. I offer a trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and compassionate space for healing.
I provide virtual therapy and offer a free 15-minute consultation to help you decide if we’re a good fit.
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