We all have an idea of the kind of parents we’ll be — if parenting is something we want. We imagine how we’ll respond, how patient we’ll be, and how our kids will behave. Expectations are built.
Then real life begins. And those expectations don’t always line up with reality.
What happens then? Do we get hard on ourselves for not living up to those ideals? Do we get upset with our kids for not fitting into the picture we imagined?
If you’re struggling with parenting stress and anxiety in Ontario, you’re not alone. Many parents feel overwhelmed by the pressure to “get it right.”
I often think back to my own childhood. My parents were strict. Be quiet. Don’t touch that. Be respectful. You’re too young for this. You’re too old for that.
There was an endless list of rules that I couldn’t keep up with. Looking back, many of those rules weren’t about my growth or development — they were about how others would perceive us as a family.
I was reminded of this during a recent playdate with family. One of my tías told the kids, “You have to be quiet. We’re at a restaurant and people come here to enjoy their food.” The kids weren’t yelling — they were simply speaking in their regular voices. For me, it brought up memories of being told to walk a straight line, to shrink myself for the comfort of others.
As a parent now, I want something different for my children. I want them to be kids, not to live under constant fear of “breaking the rules.”
This worry shows up for so many parents I work with in therapy — and in my own parenting. We ask ourselves: What will people think?
But here’s the truth: kids being kids isn’t disrespectful. They are learning, exploring, and developing. When kids can, they do better. Yes, boundaries matter. Yes, safety matters. But replicating old patterns of strictness often creates more stress and anxiety than joy and connection.
We don’t have to repeat what we grew up with. We get to choose what kind of parenting relationship we want to build.
I have two little boys. One of them was what you’d call a “runner.” From the time he could walk, he wanted to run — everywhere. He was small, full of energy, and always moving faster than me.
At first, I tried to keep up. I wore sneakers everywhere just in case I had to chase after him. Sometimes, strangers would glance around the park, wondering where the parent was, and then spot me power-walking behind him. People found it strange that I wasn’t running too.
But I realised something important: if I ran, he ran faster. It became a game. I would be exhausted before I could even catch him. What I needed to do was keep him safe. So instead of running, I walked quickly, keeping him in sight. Eventually, we even used a backpack with a leash — not because I wanted to control him, but because safety came first.
I hated it at first. I wanted to be the parent strolling hand-in-hand at the park. But that wasn’t my reality. And I knew punishing him over and over wouldn’t change who he was. As a social worker, I also knew his developmental stage made it impossible for him to always listen or stay still.
I had to meet him where he was. I had to accept him. He was a runner — and my job was to adapt, not mould him into someone he wasn’t or who I wanted him to be.
Parenting challenges change over time. My son doesn’t run anymore. He holds my hand now. But new challenges come with every stage — sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, school pressures, emotions that grow bigger as kids grow older.
Parenting never really gets easier. It just changes. And every stage asks us to adapt again.
Sometimes breaking the cycle means letting go of old expectations. It means doing things differently from our parents. It means choosing connection over control.
And often, it means being kinder to ourselves. Parenting is hard. We don’t need to be harder on ourselves too.
Our parents lived in a different time. They did what they thought was best. But our generation is learning that we don’t have to repeat the past.
As parents today, we get to create a new way of parenting — one that feels right for us and our families. One that balances safety with independence, respect with freedom, and guidance with acceptance.
We grow, society grows, and our children grow. That’s the beauty of parenting: we get to learn alongside them.
✨ If you’re a parent in Ontario seeking support with parenting stress, anxiety, or navigating generational cycles, I can help. I’m a Latina therapist serving families across Ontario, Canada, offering guidance to create a parenting style that works for you and your children.
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